TILTW: 90 Percent of Cash Is Coke-Tainted?
Is this true? 90 percent?
According to new research, it certainly is. The American Chemical Society (no, I’m not kidding), a nonprofit, scientific society chartered by Congress released a study that claims up to 90 percent of all paper money in the U.S. contains traces of cocaine. Of the 5 countries studied, the U.S. and Canada had the highest levels tested.
China had the lowest.
However, their money had the highest trace levels of MSG.
Oh, I kid.
By the way, did you happen to see that photo of Ryan Seacrest standing on a box? Or perhaps the story about how the band KISS will release their first new album of all new material in 11 years… but only at WalMart?
Yeah, that’s right KISS fans, you want the new KISS album, you’re gonna have to go to WalMart and get it. No iTunes, no Amazon…
Walmart. Perhaps the largest single retailer of physical music media in the U.S.
Also one of the biggest censors of artistic freedom, refusing to carry certain mainstream artist’s work that they deem offensive to their flyover state customers.
So Rock and Roll, which used to be about protest and keeping out from under the thumb of “the man” is just all about making money at the expense of integrity. Don’t get me started…
And as you go and get your cheap tube socks and baby formula, make sure you swing by the music department at Walmart to get your new KISS album.
Weekend Update can eat me. All this and ALL THE NEWS WE CHOOSE TO ABUSE on the hilarious new episode of THINGS I LEARNED THIS WEEK.
